dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize