she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
