i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it because I queefed?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
