booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
