the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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