My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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