I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
