So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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