I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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