I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
