she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
