I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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