you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
