thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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