I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
