I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
