My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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