yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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