was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My balls are so social today.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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