I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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