I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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