just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
