fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize