I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
