I will die if light touches me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
