I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
should my penis look like a turkey
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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