Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
