You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
