I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
