Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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