omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
