tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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