I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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