ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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