your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
