how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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