the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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