haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
