My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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