I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
