Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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