3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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