ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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