I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
