If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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