it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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