It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
