Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
