Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
