god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
