I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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