Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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