You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
