Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
