If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
