paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
