My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
