I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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