You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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