This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
