after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
