JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
