and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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