I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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