You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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