You smell like stripper and shame
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
