Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
